And the Oscar Goes to...

Oscar for the most pointless award ceremony goes to...

Here's an idea. Create a fairly pointless business club, charge people to join, then have an annual, or better still, monthly awards ceremony and charge members more money to attend it.

If you are daft enough to part with your start-up capital to join a 'business club', you will at least at some point win an award. Just continue to pay subs long enough til your turn comes round and its in the bag. Trust me.

"Hurrah. You have won the Stoke Newington Entrepreneurs Circle Award for Most Admired Female Entrepreneur. Well done."

"Really? How lovely. Who knew that with a whole five other members that were eligible to enter, the competition would be so fierce."

Folks, self-praise is no praise.

Start-Up Up-Starts 

My personal favourite being "Start Up" Awards. Usually sponsored by either a bank (as if they are any sort of business role model) and a local paper touting for additional advertising fodder and staged by...."ANO Entrepreneurs Circle". More self-serving drivel.

I'm not knocking start-ups. It's bloody hard work to get an idea out there, have someone take you seriously, get some funding and launch. Really it is. But the real hard work begins when the start-up cash runs out. When cash has to flow without a safety net. That's when a business survives on its merits or more importantly, it's customers. Or not.

If there were awards ceremonies for "Businesses that Succeeded After 5 Years", then I'd be in the front row cheering. As long as the nominees weren't restricted to the five paying members of a club.

Networking Nonsense 

And that brings me back to 'networking groups'. Another stroke of brilliance: Attend a massively over-priced breakfast each month. Spend spend an uncomfortable hour meeting the same group of people and nervously pretend you are not there to sell your services whilst espousing some B.S. about wanting to meet like-minded, goal-orientated business owners. Jesus, who has the time.

Groucho Marx said, "I don't care to belong to any club that will have me as a member." There's something in that.

And on a lighter note, here's some puppies in a bucket.